What to do with your loved one's belongings after they die

The weeks and months following a loved one's death can be particularly difficult. Suddenly there is a long list of things to do, one of which is sorting through your loved one's belongings which can be one of the most heartbreaking of all.

Returning to your loved one's home which is filled with their memories and possessions can be an upsetting moment. If you're reading this, you have probably been left with the task of organising these possessions which have been collected over the course of a lifetime. As if grieving their loss isn't enough, sorting through photos, clothes, jewellery and household items can bring a flood of new emotions to the surface.

It's very normal to feel afraid to start going through your loved one's belongings for the pain of their memory is still so raw. As difficult as it might be, try and look through the lens of cherishing your loved ones' memory, not trying to avoid that which reminds you of them. Hopefully you are in the position to be able to take the time you need without feeling pressured to throw things away just because you have to, hopefully this helps soften matters.

One of the most stressful and heartbreaking responsibilities when already dealing with the grief of losing someone, we hope our guide on what to do with your loved one's belongings offers some helpful advice for you and your family.

Who will help?

Decide who is going to be involved. Perhaps your loved one put plans together in their funeral arrangements and has advised who will be handling after death matters in their Will for example. If there isn't a list of instructions, have a think which family or friend/s would be good at organising and making hard decisions. Reaching out for help will support you in the difficult task that lay ahead.

Support

You might be someone who feels you want to do the job alone. However, do try to be open to having family or close friends to support you. If you have help, it's a good idea to set some ground rules to avoid sentimental items being thrown out, for this might cause more pain and rewind the healing process.

If you are supporting a family member or friend it is important that you listen and let them feel in control of the situation. In saying that, they might be so deep in grief they're unsure how they could even manage delegating such matters. Just take it slow, be patient, gentle and support them in deciding what needs to be done in their own time.

Take your time

If you are able to, take your time going through your loved one's belongings it will help reduce the stress levels and wanting to avoid the task altogether. Work out if there is a timeline you have to adhere to. For some people they might prefer to get the task done quickly and without any fuss, others will need to take their time so they can properly manage the process and their emotions. The fact you will have continuing reminders of the person you have lost, it's good practice to take breaks so you can process your emotions and deal with your grief in a more gentle setting.

Plan and prioritise

Having a plan always helps and how this looks will be different for everyone. Are you clearing out a whole house or your loved ones personal belongings only? Thinking about the order of things will allow the situation to move forward more smoothly.

Do you want to go through things room by room? Perhaps grouping small things like clothing, jewellery, artwork, paperwork, music collections, important documents and knickknacks together and large more valuable items together works for you. Maybe you want no order other than to have six categories:

Keep for me
Save for others
Sell
Donate
Bin
Not sure yet

Challenges can arise from the 'keep' and 'not sure yet' piles when these piles continue to grow - and they will. It's hard to part with your loved ones' things, especially when it feels like these items are all you have left of them. Some helpful tips to consider: Do you have space for it? Have you kept more than one item? Can you take a photo to help you part with said item? Maybe you take so many photos you're able to make a photo album out of them.

Selling and donating

Once you have decided what items you want to donate you will no doubt want them to go to a good cause. The same goes for the big ticket items you want to sell, you want to get as much value from them as you can. Afterall, the money might be able to go towards funeral costs or a special family holiday.

To help you through this process, read our advice article: How to start selling and donating loved one's items they die here.

Emotions are normal - you got this!

Going through your loved one's belongings after they die is always going to be a difficult task and the process emotionally and physically challenging. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to mourn when you need to. And although there will be many tearful moments, there will hopefully be happy, even funny moments too.

Sending strength and support as you journey through the process.

"I will never feel guilty for not keeping presents forever. To be grateful and happy for a present when you first receive it is something different, because that gratitude is not connected to the thing itself but to the giver who gave it to you." - Margareta Magnusson

By Kirsten Jakubenko