Can obituaries be private

A question that often surfaces is whether obituaries can be kept private. We understand the importance of honouring the memory of your loved one in a way that respects your family's wishes and privacy. In this article, we'll explore the concept of private obituaries and provide you with insights on how to navigate this delicate matter.

Understanding the purpose of obituaries

Obituaries serve as a way to inform the community and beyond about the passing of a loved one. They also often contain a heartfelt message about the person's life and achievements.   In addition to being a public announcement, obituaries serve various purposes, including:

Honouring the deceased

Obituaries are a means of paying tribute to the departed by sharing their life story, accomplishments and impact on the lives of those who knew them.

Informing friends and family

They help spread the word about the passing, ensuring that friends, relatives and acquaintances are aware of the situation and can offer their support.

Providing funeral information

Obituaries often include details about the funeral or memorial service, such as date, time, and location making it easier for those who wish to attend.  

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The decision to keep an obituary private

While obituaries traditionally serve a public function, there may be compelling reasons for keeping them private. It's essential to understand that the decision to keep an obituary private is a personal one and should align with your family's wishes. Here are some scenarios where a private obituary might be preferred:

Privacy concerns

In some situations, families may wish to maintain a level of privacy and avoid sharing their loved one's passing with the wider community. This could be due to personal reasons or circumstances surrounding the death.

Safety concerns

Sometimes, there may be concerns about the safety of the deceased's surviving family members. In such cases, keeping the obituary private can be a way to protect the family from unwanted attention.

Personal beliefs

Your family's religious or cultural beliefs may influence the decision to keep an obituary private. Some faiths and cultures have specific customs regarding the handling of a loved one's passing.

How to keep an obituary private

If you've decided that a private obituary is the right choice for your family, there are steps you can take to ensure that the information is kept within your close-knit circle. Here's how to go about it:

Work with a trusted funeral director

A funeral director can be an invaluable resource during this process. They can help you draft an obituary and ensure it's not published in public newspapers or online platforms. Funeral directors have experience in handling such matters delicately.

Limit distribution

Request that only a select group of individuals receive copies of the obituary. This could include immediate family members, close friends and individuals who need to know about the funeral arrangements.

Utilise social media settings

In today's digital age, it's essential to consider the online aspect of obituaries. If your family wishes to keep the information private, ensure that social media posts or online memorial pages are restricted to an exclusive group.

The importance of communication

When deciding to keep an obituary private, it's crucial to communicate your wishes effectively with family members and those who are involved in the process. Open and honest conversations can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Alternatives to traditional obituaries

If you opt to keep the obituary private, you may want to consider alternative ways to commemorate your loved one's life. Here are a few ideas:

Memorial services

Arrange a private memorial service or gathering where family and close friends can come together to celebrate the life of the deceased. This can be an intimate and meaningful way to pay tribute.

Create a memory book

Compile a memory book that includes photographs, anecdotes and personal messages from friends and family. This can be a treasured keepsake that preserves the memory of your loved one.

Online memorial

Consider setting up a private online memorial for your loved one. This can be a restricted website or social media group where only selected individuals can share their thoughts and memories.  

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Dealing with public requests for information

In some cases, even if you wish to keep the obituary private, there may be requests from others for information. It's essential to have a plan for handling these inquiries respectfully:

Be firm but respectful

Politely inform those inquiring that the obituary is being kept private due to personal reasons and that you appreciate their understanding.

Offer an alternative

You can suggest an alternative way for them to pay their respects, such as attending a memorial service or contributing to a chosen charity in memory of your loved one.   The decision to keep an obituary private is a deeply personal one that should align with your family's unique circumstances and preferences. Obituaries are a way to honour and remember the departed, but they can be tailored to meet your specific needs.   No matter what you decide, the most important thing is to ensure that your family's wishes are respected and that the memory of your loved one is cherished in a way that feels meaningful and appropriate.