Romuald Brian "Rom" Hayes

Romuald "Rom" Hayes had run Albury's five kilometre Park Run, 100 times by the time of his death at age 85.  

The former army major and father of six, died at the Albury Base Hospital on November 19 of a heart attack.  

He was farewelled at a service hosted by Lester and Son at Sacred Heart Catholic Church last month.  

Mr Hayes' son Justin told mourners his father had always kept himself fit and enjoyed the weekly events.

"Everyone knew Rom at Park Run. I think he spent more effort saying hello to the other runners than he did completing the 5km course."  

He said his father would be remembered as a man of faith who was devoted to his family, and as an "officer and a gentleman."  

With the family's permission we share Justin Hayes' moving tribute to his father Rom

Romuald Brian Hayes was born on June 18, 1937, in Rockhampton, Queensland.  

He was the son of William and Ruby Hayes and was the youngest of four siblings - his sister Moya and brothers Michael, Billy, and Patrick. Sadly, Patrick passed away at just one day old.  

Rom was the loving husband to Val, devoted father of six children and grandfather of 14.  

He was a man of great faith, devoted to his family, an "Officer and a Gentleman".  

Rom's father passed away when he was only six years old. With his two older surviving brothers already moved away from home, his upbringing and primary influences during the early and formative years were his mother Ruby, sister Moya and the Christian Brothers where he went to school.

Growing up, Rom was a competitive sportsman. He held inter-school swimming records for butterfly, won the high school handball championships multiple times, played tennis and was also pretty handy at basketball.  

Academically, Rom was no natural by his own admission. He had to work hard for the knowledge he gained which was often with the assistance of a caring Christian Brother wielding a long leather strap who was ready to strike at any times-table error or misspelt word.  

The teaching methods that Rom was subjected to were certainly different back then, but he must have thrived on pain since he completed Year 12 in 1955 as dux of his school.

Upon his high school graduation, Rom was offered scholarships for both teaching and dentistry. He decided to go to teacher's college where he graduated in 1956. Rom taught in the Queensland State School system for a year before accepting a private school position at Rockhampton Grammar as a teacher and boarding house master.  

For the next six or so years Rom was a bachelor and had minimal responsibilities, other than his teaching work and commitment to his faith, so along with his best mate Marty, he was pretty much having the time of his life.  

I mentioned earlier that Rom was pretty handy at basketball. He thought he was so good that in 1963, at the ripe-old bachelor age of 26, he decided to try his hand at coaching the ladies' basketball team. Can you guess who was in the ladies team that year? More to the point, have a guess which lady in the team won the best and fairest award that year?  

Val and Rom were married a year later in 1964. The man had a plan.  

Regardless of any favouritism or other allegations that may have been thrown at Rom, the fact is, that Val shall forever be Rom's best and fairest. The one he saved himself for and the one he remained forever faithful to.  

His commitment to his marriage vows is one of the reasons I have always had so much respect for Dad.  

I would say that winning Val's heart was Rom's greatest achievement.  

Less than a year after Rom and Val were married, their first child Kelly was born, followed by Jacquie, Helen, Joanne, me and finally Paul. Six kids in nine years!  

Having proven his virility, Rom now needed to focus on stability, so in 1973 he decided to change tact in his teaching career and joined the education core in the Royal Australian Army.  

Rom loved the army and the opportunities it provided him. His postings during his 20 years of army service took him to Brisbane, Papua New Guinea, Wagga, Albury, Melbourne and to Adelaide.  

For the most part, this involved lifting the whole family every time, but it was after Rom's posting from Wagga to Albury in 1981 that he really started to understand the disruption that moving towns and schools was causing the family.  

Especially for his teenage daughters.  

It was for this reason that Rom served his posting to Melbourne and later to Adelaide alone while the rest of the family stayed in Albury.  

As lonely as that sounds, it wasn't all bad for Rom. 

It was during Rom's three-year solo posting to Adelaide that he developed a love of red wine along with wine appreciation and etiquette skills. Rom was awarded the honorary title of wines officer of the Keswick Barracks officers' mess. An honorary title, he told me. What a junket that was.  

I believe his commanding officer made it quite clear to Rom that he was to visit all the best vineyards of the Barossa, the Clare Valley, and the McLaren Vale to ensure the Officers' Mess had best wines selection possible.  

Despite all the experience he gained at fine wine tastings around the South Australian vineyards at some stage Dad dismissed the normal etiquette of only filling your wine glass to the point of inflection - you know, up to a third full which allows you to swirl that wine around, leaves room for you to stick your nose in the glass to smell the aromas.  

No, that was not for Rom He much preferred to fill that glass right to the top.  

A modern form of wine etiquette known in our family as the "Rom pour".

He really did love a glass of red.  

Despite the moments of fun Rom had on his wine junkets and playing rugby on the dining room floor of the Officers Mess during dining-in nights, all up, he was away from the family that he loved dearly for five years.  

This would have been very hard on both Mum and Dad at the time but their commitment to the family was unwavering.  

Rom retired from the army with the rank of Major in 1993 after 20 years' service. But his love of the ANZAC traditions and armed forces history stayed with him to the end.  

Every Anzac Day, Rom would be at the dawn service about an hour early to make sure he got his usual prime position just to the left of the Albury monument.  

He was always dressed immaculately in a suit as a sign of respect to those who died for our freedom.  

After Rom's retirement from the army, he took up a position at the Albury Paper Mill as a technical writer, and he enjoyed it greatly. After the mill he also worked at Gordon and Gotch where he didn't find the work particularly rewarding, but he did love speaking and connecting with his colleagues.  

Rom retired fully from work in 2007.  

Throughout his whole life Rom was a devout Catholic and loved spending time with the wonderful parishioners here at Sacred Heart. But it was in full retirement that he spent a lot more time getting to know God. He prayed morning and night and would take every opportunity to talk to me and I'm sure the rest of the family or anyone that would listen, about what the weekly gospel and readings were about and what they meant to him personally.  

Rom held a deep admiration for his brother Fr Michael Hayes who was a Catholic priest who dedicated his life to God through his work with our First Nations People. Uncle Mike was a big influence on Dad and likely a key factor in his desire to give back to the community.  

Dad was involved with the St Vincent de Paul Society for as long as I can remember, firstly assisting with the administration of the men's shelter and later at the Vinnies store where he volunteered to help people less fortunate than himself, listening to their stories and giving out food vouchers among other things. Mum once said to me that Dad became a much more accepting and compassionate person through his work at Vinnies.  

In retirement, Rom also spent a lot of time at Mercy Place visiting people who were in the later stages of their lives. Some of the residents there may not have had any family or anyone else to visit them, so there was Rom, filling that void, providing conversation and connection that would have bought so much joy to so many.  

Dad loved his home and the neighbours who were great friends of the family for many years. He was also very proud of his lawn. A perfectionist you could say. It was always well kept, but he would still make sure it was mowed the day before any family or special event.  

Rom always kept himself fit. In fact, at the age of 85, he was still participating in the Albury Park Run where he was admired by so many.  

Everyone knew Rom at Park Run. I think he spent more effort saying hello to the other runners than he did completing the 5km course.  

Rom did some remarkable things during his life, but he was always a very humble person. I struggle to remember Dad praising himself for anything.  

As you walk up the stairs inside Val and Rom's house you will see a plaque on the wall, among family photos that says, "In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15) I honestly believe Dad must have stopped to read that every day.  

Growing up, we kids would describe Dad as a hard taskmaster, strict and old fashioned in his ways. This was sometimes a point of friction in the household. Particularly during the teenage years of his six children.  

My sister once sent a very thoughtful letter to Dad letting him know that she was thinking of him while he was posted away from the family. Dad would have been so delighted to get that letter. He likely cried. But nonetheless, he felt obliged to red pen the spelling and grammatical errors before sending it back to her.

Dad did struggle to understand and relate to his teenage daughters at times, but whenever we met someone that Dad worked or associated with back then that we didn't know, they would always compliment Dad on what a nice guy he was. The common theme was always that he was a gentleman.  

If everyone here today was to think about the conversations or interactions you have had with Rom over the years, or conversations about him, I'm sure that the word "gentlemen" would be a common theme.  

Dad was very proud of all his children and grandchildren. Whenever possible, he would always attend grandkids sport, school drama performances, or anything that provided an opportunity for him to commend them and simply to be with them.  

Rom wasn't much of a cook until around the time he retired and discovered the Weber barbecue. The Sunday Weber became a weekly event that was a very special time for Dad and for all of us that were living in Albury at that stage. It was the weekly Weber that saw our immediate family expand to include Dad's niece Antonia and her husband Cameron who had moved to the area.  

We all had a great time every Sunday taking aim at Rom after he attempted his weekly dad joke. His attempts at comedy really left him open to ridicule and we didn't hold back either. And he kept on trying.  

But the quality of his Weber roasts was fantastic, and I think he was rather proud of the fact he was contributing to the food preparation that he traditionally would not have seen as part of his role.

Dad's love of his family was unquestionable, so I finish now as I started in saying that Dad was an "Officer and a Gentleman", he was devoted to his family and above all else, he was a man of great faith.