Valerie Murray

A Tribute to Valerie Murray

Valerie Murray was born over 98 years ago, on Monday the 20th of October 1924 at "Clarges'', her parents' home in Ormond. She was the third child of Wilfrid and Phyllis Fethers. She had a ten year old brother, Peter, and a five year old sister, Patricia, waiting to greet her arrival.

Her father Wilfrid Fethers had returned from serving in Gallipoli and then in France in the First World War, where he was injured in an explosion at Pozieres in the Somme. He was repatriated to Britain to recuperate. Phyllis made the long and dangerous journey by sea with baby Peter to join Wilfrid, avoiding the fate that befell many others making the crossing of being torpedoed by German U-boats. Wilfrid was never able to rejoin active service due to his injuries, but he travelled to the US on behalf of the Australian Imperial Forces to encourage an increased American contribution to the war effort.

After the war Wilfrid returned to Australia where he and Phyllis lived with his parents at Croome Lodge in Glenhuntly Road Elsternwick while they were building their own home. Wilfrid's four younger brothers had all served overseas in the First World War too, and miraculously all survived and returned to live nearby, in Ormond.

Phyllis's sister Nancye Wade and her family had built their home next door, and Mum and all the cousins enjoyed playing in the gardens together via a gap in the fence. When the children were old enough to require schooling, Phyllis engaged a tutor to educate the Fethers and Wade children, and they were soon joined by other children from the neighbourhood. This was the beginning of what was to become first Ormond Girls School, and then Kilvington Grammar School. For many years now Mum has provided money for a creative writing prize in honour of her mother Phyllis, and there is a Fethers house at Kilvington named after her.

Mum was just 14 years old when Prime Minister Robert Menzies announced Australia was at war with Germany, and Mum's brother Peter joined up while Mum continued with her schooling. She completed her School Certificate at Merton Hall, Melbourne Girls' Grammar School, then spent time at the Emily MacPherson School of Domestic Economy studying dress-making and millinery, as well as learning typing at Stott's Business College in the city. In 1943, at the age of 18, Mum joined the Women's Royal Australian Naval Service, otherwise known as the WRANS, and commenced a week's training at HMAS Lonsdale in Port Melbourne. She worked as a Writer, which she once told me was a glorified description for a secretary, and was based at HMAS Cerberus located at the Flinders Naval Base near Somers on the Mornington Peninsula, where she remained until February 1944 when her mother became ill, and Mum was allowed to return to duties at HMAS Lonsdale until she was discharged in March 1946. Based on the stories Mum told us she enjoyed her time in the WRANS - from what I gather it must have been quite a social whirl with many young sailors coming and going.

At the end of the war, a dashing young David Murray returned from flying Spitfires in the D-Day invasion, and he re-visited the Fethers family to catch up with Mum's older sister Pat, where his eye was caught by the now-grown up Valerie. One thing led to another and they were engaged at Mum's twenty-first birthday party. Mum's father Wilfrid insisted David must save at least 100 pounds in his bank account to reflect his serious intent, and as a sound basis for starting a new life together, before they could marry. Somehow Dad managed to borrow enough money from a close friend, and Mum and Dad were married on the 19th of December 1947 at St John's Church in Toorak Road.

Mum and Dad initially lived with his parents in Park Street Brunswick, and later also spent some time at Mum's parents house "Clarges" in Hopetoun Road, before they purchased their own first home at 382 Doncaster Road in North Balwyn.

This was at the very outskirts of Melbourne at the time, and I recall hearing stories of Dad going out rabbit shooting in the paddocks across the road to bring home a bunny for the pot! The area is now very much in the middle of suburbia, but the house has gone to make way for the Eastern Freeway.

Many happy years of having babies and raising a large family followed, first in Doncaster Road, and then at 55 Harcourt Street, and Mum was kept very busy with all of us five kids. Bill and Tish Briggs next door were great friends, and Mum and Tish would share stories over a sherry or two at the end of a busy day, waiting for husbands to arrive home.

As soon as the youngest of us were able to look after ourselves, when I was about 12 and Mick was about 10, Mum ventured into the workforce, initially with a second hand school clothes service called "The Swap Shop" at The Hub in Burke Road Camberwell, and then alongside Dad in "The Document Bureau" and "120 Reproductions", and later on with "Lawstaff" and then in businesses of her own.

At the end of the 1970's Mum and Dad built themselves a brand new house in Jaques Street with all the features they had always dreamed of: for Dad that was a dedicated dark room, and for Mum it was a dream kitchen overlooking the back garden. In the Jaques Street house they made close friends with Tim and Rachel Cecil, who created a strong local community in this little cul-de-sac.

In 1980 they decided to sell the businesses and let the house, and they had a wonderful year travelling through the United States together. They also bought a block of land in the country, behind the little town of Merton in the Strathbogie Ranges, next to Roger and Annemarie Furphy. It was also quite close to where they had visited our family friends the Trebilcocks many times on their farm at Boho South.

Just when Mum and Dad were looking forward to having more time to themselves, Dad died suddenly in 1982, and the whole family was devastated. Mum had lost the love of her life at the age of only 57, and it shook her to the core.

Up until that time, it had seemed to me that Dad was the driving force in my parents' partnership.But Mum was able to draw on her inner strength and resilience, and not only did Mum recover from losing Dad, but she stepped out into the world, creating new spaces in her life and developing new relationships with undaunted gusto. She started her own law personnel placement company, she built a house up at Merton, and she took many trips around Australia and overseas with various travelling companions.

One thing that Mum discovered and then took up with great enthusiasm was Laughing Group, a regular get-together of strangers who quickly became close friends, and who would gather on the Hampton Beach foreshore every Saturday morning to create laughter out of thin air.

Mum also had her regular Wednesday bridge group with all the other widowed ladies, where they could enjoy each other's company, exchange stories, have morning coffee and complain about their cards.

In particular Mum loved spending the winter months on Magnetic Island in tropical far north Queensland, where she made wonderful long-term friendships, in particular with Paddy and Julia O'Brien, and was able to indulge her love of swimming in the sea. Her love for Magnetic Island eventually infected all five of us Murrays and our families, and she managed to get us all going up there at various times. In fact we will be heading up for the twenty third time later this year.

Like her parents before her Mum was a prolific writer. When I lived in England for a number of years in the 1980's, she wrote to me every week without fail. As well as writing the story of her own life, she also recorded the stories of those around her including her parents and earlier forebears, and she wrote her version of Dad's life story too. On top of these biographical writings, she loved creating verse, which she called "doggerel". This is an example she wrote one day while eating her bread and honey for lunch:

I'm very fond of honey

I've loved it all my life

I keep it in the fridge you see

So more sticks on the knife

It rolls out on the soft fresh bread

All glutinous and thick

To stop it falling off the edge

I have to be damn quick!

But more than anything else, Mum took great delight in helping look after her swelling tribe of grandchildren, all of whom she was very proud. When Mum was chatting with her best friend Beverley Batters, whom she knew from school days, I am sure I could detect a slightly competitive tone in their voices when they were comparing the number of grandchildren they each had. Mum achieved a total of 13 grandchildren and two great grandchildren.

In the last few years, as dementia crept up on Mum and her world gradually began to shrink, she retained her trademark positive outlook on life, and she alway had a great big smile on her face. She was definitely a glass-half-full kind of person, always ready to see the best side of any situation.

Mum has been the rock of our family, holding us close together, and has always been an inspiration to me, and to many of you too I am sure. Mum, you have left us with many happy memories and we will miss you.

I love you, Mum.